The Schedule

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 

gentleness and self-control.

Galatians 5:22-23

"I love you more," she says as she walks by with the sound of flip-flip-flopping from orange-jewel-sparkle sandals.  My daughter rarely ventures into the office these days - these summer days of headphones and HGTV, of books on her lap, and ipad FB messaging.  Her favorite place is the end of the sofa.  The end with the table, with the lamp, with the space to spread out.  Her nerf-dart gun.  Her flashlight.  Her phone.  Her papers.  Her space.  I think it might be the 21st-chromosome-Down-Syndrome-doubling that gives her this hyper organization.

Sometimes I sit in her seat; I tease her.  I want to see what she'll do; I want to hear what she'll say.

"That's my spot," she stands in front of me, hands on hips, chin jutting forward.  The words hang for a moment before they are shattered by an eruption of giggles.  Her posture changes; her expression changes.  Her eyes widen, as if she's surprised by the laughter - her own laughter.

"It's Sheldon," she says - in reference to a character on a popular TV show.  She has just quoted one of his lines.  Like she has to explain the context of her remark to me.  

"I love you double more,"  I call after her, smiling to myself because I am behind in my plans for the day and she loves me this time because I just finished printing off her schedule for her.  

She has been reminding me all morning.  Right after she delivered her morning hug.  "Mom, my schedule...."  During her morning coffee, "It is Monday, my schedule..."  While eating breakfast, "My schedule yet..."  Her hands in the air emphasizing - palms up in the I-don't-know position - like she wants to say so much more.  Shaking her head at me, voice accusing.  "I need it, my schedule."

The fact is, I AM running behind.  Wake up with husband - check.  Coffee with Sierra - check.  Exercise - check.  Help Sierra in the shower - check.  Shower myself - check.  Get breakfast, let dog out, get dog's breakfast, empty dishwasher, put breakfast dishes in, go back upstairs - brush teeth, wash face, fix wet hair, call mom, wash Sierra's face, fix her hair - check, check, check, check, check, check, check.  I haven't written my post yet.  I haven't checked the paint in the garage.  I haven't put a load of laundry in the washer.  I haven't checked my job status, or my emails, or .... 

 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

Galatians 5:1 (NIV)

It only needs one appointment - one change - and then I can print it.  My daughter's schedule.  Then she will be able to relax into her day.  Into her week.  She'll look at her watch, placed just so on the arm of the sofa, and she'll check the boxes off as she completes them.  She'll keep the schedule on the coffee table with a pencil - checking off boxes all week.  At the end of the day on Friday, after she checks that she made the coffee for Saturday and set the table for dinner...the last two items for the week...she will throw the schedule away.  Completed, purpose fulfilled.  She'll need another on Monday.

Context.  The I love you more statement?  Yes, she can finally pick it up from the printer.  But it's more than a simple thank you, it's also an I-know-I've-been-bugging-you-and-I-want-to-be-sure-we're-still-ok. 

Context.  The smile behind the I love you double more?  First - I'm always working on communication skills with my daughter.  According to the Down Syndrome experts, her speech falls far behind her thinking.  We are always working on ways to bring her thinking to us - to the people around us - to the world in general.  She's 23, and hasn't stopped progressing, hasn't stopped trying, surprises my husband and me on a daily basis.  So, we've gone through I love you to the moon and back, I love you to the ends of the universe, I love you most, I love you....times a million, I love you bunches of flowers... I'm proud of the way she's using a variety of these formulaic phrases.  Extend, extend, extend. Second - it strikes me as humorous that I'm giving my daughter a schedule when it is obviously me who needs one.

How often does it happen that the thing we provide to others is the thing we need the most?  I plan and provide a schedule for my daughter to keep her on track and to help her a navigate a world of independence within the big, broad world of anything goes.

Context.  So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.  Galatians 5:16-17 (NIV)

Guess what - we ALL need something to keep us on track and help us navigate a world of independence within the big, broad world of anything goes.

Heavenly Father, thank you for the gift of your Holy Spirit.  Thank you for guiding and directing us in our busy lives.  Help us to hear.  Help us to listen.  

Linking with:  Women Helping Women, Monday Musings, Mama Moments Monday, Unite

Born of the Spirit

 The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit."

John 3:8

So, I was thinking about the wind this morning.  I'm not seeing any outside my office window.  Not that I would actually see it.  But I would know it was there by the movement of the trees.  Even though I hear thunder, and the ground is wet from rain - apparently this is not a fast-moving thunderstorm - the leaves are only gently rustling.  No wind.  Barely a breeze.

Hmm...  Wind.  Prime factor for change.  Change on the earth's surface.  Change on structures.  Change on lives.  And you can't see it; you can only see the results of it.  Wind.

A few years ago, my husband and I went on a mission trip to Gautier, Mississippi.  You can look it up on a map, right on the Gulf Coast, at the mouth of the Pascalgoula River.  It's about 15 miles east of it's more famous neighbor, Biloxi, and about 100 miles from New Orleans.  Gautier was one of the many places to get hit by hurricane Katrina in 2005.  It was hit badly.  

On August 29, 2005 Gautier was one of many cities affected by Hurricane Katrina. Many of the coastal homes were either destroyed or flooded. Some of the houses along the coast were built on hills, leaving them with wind damage only. Homes built on the water were completely destroyed, occasionally leaving an intact slab. In a few cases the slabs were cracked in half. One home in particular was built on pylons 13 feet (4 m) above sea level and had the floor ripped out from underneath. Most of northern Gautier, above the railroad tracks, had some wind damage but largely remains intact.    

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gautier,_Mississippi 

We certainly saw the results of the wind.  Our small group was kept busy re-roofing homes.  Homes that had lost those roofs during the 100 to 140 mph winds of Katrina's landfall. 

This scripture snagged me during my reading this morning.  Of course, there is so much more in this chapter of John - being reborn of the spirit and God so loved the world...  But none of that caught me like this little triad.  I didn't get hooked in a wide-eyed-God-is-amazing way, but rather in an I-am-a-little-confused-about-God's-purpose-sometimes way.  Jesus is so convincing that I almost missed the but wait moment.  

Here it is.  The wind blows wherever it pleases.  Yup.  No argument there.  You hear its sound - again, no argument... but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going - well....minor adjustments there for me.  See, I believe in the Bible AND science.  Science can measure wind speed AND direction with a handy dandy contraption called an anemometer.  It's almost like the paper windmills we made as kids - blow on them and they turn.  So, yeah, we know where it comes from and we know where it's going.  But...track back a little more - science says wind is caused by changes in air pressure and temperature.  And where do THOSE changes come from.  (Earth's rotation, water in the atmosphere, currents, distance from the sun, position of the moon and planets, and so on, and so on...)  I'm not scientist enough to track back much further, but I eventually come up against GOD.  Yup.  So I'm ok with minor adjustments - the end result is the same.

So here's the real kicker.  So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.  Huh?  Did I miss something?  Jesus was answering Nicodemus's question about being saved.  How?  Where?  What is done?  Jesus has already answered one way, with rebirth, not literal birth, but of the spirit.  Nicodemus still doesn't understand, so Jesus describes the vagrancies of the wind.  Then the simile.  The one that stops me - the vagrant wind is the Spirit?  Being saved by the Spirit causes us to be like the wind?  Vagrant, unpredictable, unreliable.  Connotations that are weighing just a little toward the negative, right?

So maybe I read it wrong.  The Holy Spirit descended on the disciples in a violent wind from heaven.  The breath of God is the breath of life for Adam, Job, Moses, Isaiah, and Ezekiel.  It is the wind of destruction for the enemies of King David.   And then there's Solomon.  

As you do not know the path of the wind,

or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb,

so you cannot understand the work of God,

the Maker of all things.

Ecclesiastes 11:5

You have to love Solomon.  

The wind is not vagrant.  It is God's agent.  An agent of change.  Of life.  Of death.  Of purpose.   The wind is not unreliable.  It will come.  A change will come.  We live, we die, the only things we can control are our choices - our purpose.  Poor Nicodemus saw all the outward signs of Christ's teaching, and he wanted to be a part of the Kingdom;  but with his earthly eyes, his cause and effect mentality, his concrete facts and observations, he just didn't see the wind.   Yeah.  God is sovereign.  He is God.  And Jesus?  Amazing Grace.  The Holy Spirit.  Wind of change, breath of life.  Yeah - three in one.

Thank you God, for your patience with our questions and doubts.  Thank you for answers to questions.  Thank you for rebirth and holy change.

Linking with Teach Me Tuesdays, 

David's Conversation

By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me—a prayer to the God of my life.

Psalm 42: 8

How to begin...  I suppose it would be best to keep it simple.  So here goes:

My mind doesn't rest.  Incessant thoughts, myriad images, music, conversations, what if's, and maybes - it is in constant motion.  When I read, I see connections to previous reading, to current events, to people and places.  When I hear music, I smell and taste memories of past events;  I feel, my heart sings or weeps with the notes and mood of the song.  I find it difficult to be in single conversation without testing alternative scenarios, alternative dialogues.  Word to phrase, phrase to thought, thought to idea -  testing against prior experience, selecting the right path, the socially acceptable, politically correct path. Inner turmoil - weighing actions against deeds, working through decisions and choices.  My thoughts invade my sleep with dreams of interminable traffic - I can't pull out onto the road because of the unending lineup of vehicles moving by.

Enter daily scripture.  I prefer to read the Bible in chronological order - especially the Old Testament.  Seeing the stories in context helps me to consider their application in context.  I have found a website that suits my curiosity and study.  Not only does it provide different translations, it also provides several other tools for study - concordance, dictionary, and my favorite - commentaries.  You can link to it here.

So, today I was reading Psalm 42.  As the deer panteth for the water... (King James Version)  I recognized the hymn - one of the melodies that reminds me of a lullaby.  But the words didn't sound very lullaby-ish.  It's a craving - calling out for God.  Lullabies settle us, cover us and tuck us in; this song pulls us out.  Images of David's struggles - both external and internal passed through my mind.  I understand him; this is Old-Testament-asking-for-forgiveness-separated-from-God stuff.  David misses God, misses the good times, yearns to have them back.  I get it.

Deep calls to deep...  I love the poetry.  I so appreciate David as a master of metaphor.  The phrase intrigues me.  I feel the pull - away from lullaby - away from sleep - away from comfort and security.  I feel David's downcast soul.  

But the psalm itself doesn't feel downcast.  It feels hopeful.  Why?  Calvin's commentary gives me the best answer (and the most fun, believe it or not...)  He considers the psalm to be a conversation - "But David here represents himself as if he formed two opposing parties..."  The idea!   Now I can look at the psalm in a new light - Watch!

David:  As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God.  My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.  When can I go and meet with God?  My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, “Where is your God?”  These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go to the house of God under the protection of the Mighty One with shouts of joy and praise among the festive throng.

Holy Spirit:  Why, my soul, are you downcast?  Why so disturbed within me?  Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

David:  My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan,the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.  Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me.

Holy Spirit:  By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me—a prayer to the God of my life.

David:  I say to God my Rock, “Why have you forgotten me?  Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?”  My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long,  “Where is your God?”

Holy Spirit:  Why, my soul, are you downcast?  Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. 

Don't you love it!  David, in the midst of his misery and all of his feeling sorry for himself... David is being comforted by the Holy Spirit.  Reminded.  It IS a lullaby!  Here are the things that really make me think...  I am intrigued by ...why so disturbed within me?  It makes me think of us being inside of God, instead of the Holy Spirit being inside of us.  It's no wonder He never leaves us - we are part of Him!  Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him....  Oh my goodness!  Yet means still - no matter what - always and forever - like in heaven.  What a vision - what a God - unending, enduring, everlasting - ever hopeful, ever faithful - always praising, God of life.

End with this.  Music.  I found two versions that I liked - and I couldn't choose between the two.  So, here they are, guitar and piano.  Maybe they're having a conversation of their own...