Thursday, September 26, 2013

Pick Me...

But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, 
because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, 
blown and tossed by the wind. 
James 1:6

Pick me - pick me - pick me -

The words are an unending loop I can't quite contain.

Interviewing is kind of fun and kind of not.  Fun because I honestly like people.  I like to get to know them - I want to figure out what makes them tick, their passions, share their experiences.  I like to watch people - make them smile - gauge their eyes as they talk about family, or friends, or their favorite movie.  I like to listen to their voices - the timbre, the accents, the music, the way they put words together.  So, interviews put me in the path of people.

But on the flip side, while I'm enjoying people, they're evaluating me.  My resume.  My skills and knowledge.  And let's face it, my personality.  And I want them to like me.  And in this economy, when you interview for a job, there's usually more than relationship and experience on the line.  It's a JOB.

I went on an interview today.  Yes, I could definitely use the job.  Yes, I am qualified and certified.  But, for the first time in I don't know how long, I want THIS job in THIS place.  Because THIS place is really making a difference, and I want to be in the middle of that.  And the interview was different than any others in my experience.  It was all about RELATIONSHIP.  And about who I am - underneath the degrees, underneath the experience, underneath the career.  And that was hard.  Because underneath all those things - I still don't feel like I'm good enough sometimes.  I still feel like the kid on the schoolyard who's not the fastest, or the best - the kid with the wistful face - don't let me be the last one picked.

Yes, I prayed before going.  Yes, I've been praying - telling God I know He knows what He's doing (but I'd love a hint or clue just the same).  Yes, my head knows that I AM good at what I do, but..... No, I won't know until next week.

So until then,

pick me - oh Lord help me trust you - 
pick me - thank you for all the blessings you always give - 
pick me - is this the one - 
pick me - help me follow you - 

pick me - oh!  It's not all about me, it's picking the right person for this place that's making the difference - 

oh God, if it's me, let me be ready to do a good job, if it's not me, then continue to guide and direct me to Your right place and Your plan.  And thank You for helping me stop the unending loop...

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I know we probably haven't met in person, but I believe that the sharing of our ideas and thoughts, sometimes our hearts and souls, makes us more than strangers. I would like to say friends. Thank you for taking the time to contribute to my little space - I appreciate you.